Hi, it’s Domi again.
I wanted to talk to you about the last 2 weeks of my life.
A lot has happened. Internally, that is. A storm of thoughts and ideas and chaos has passed. And I really wondered for a while what brought that on.
As a firm believer of the moon (+ the entire cosmos) and its effect on every creature I kind of assumed it could have had something to do with it, but I lack the actual knowledge on the matter.
So, I decided to investigate and dive into it.
A Hunter’s Moon
I went to a full moon journalling event held by group of women here in Byron Bay at one of the most beautiful beaches in the world. If you ask me. It’s called Belongil Beach.
The woman who organised and led the event told us she was not exactly a public speaker and had not that much knowledge about the moon either. I understand why she felt the urge to point that out, but really, she didn’t have to. She was brave enough to bring these women together for a magical moment to begin with and she led the event it in such a beautiful way, she can give herself all the grace for making it happen in the first place.
Anyways.
She told us her findings about the full moon that was about to rise. This moon is called the Hunter’s Moon and interestingly, it’s a moon that from a cultural point of view prepared people for winter as it was time for hunting season and the cold times ahead.
But we are in Byron Bay, a subtropical town where summer and winter aren’t exactly aligned with the summers and the winters in the rest of the world. No need to start hunting here anytime soon.
So, it was probably best to look at the spiritual meaning of this moon.
The girl leading the event spoke about how this moon introduces an opportunity to reflect and make changes in your life, closing chapters, and stepping up for yourself. Or something along those lines. She also mentioned that this moon can bring up strong feelings of rage, emotions, and frustration.
I’m glad she brought that up, because this was a very plausible explanation for my whirlwind of thoughts and emotions the past couple of weeks. They started around the first day of the new moon and increased as the moon grew fuller and fuller.
For the sceptics out there: I get you. I am a rational person and if you would have asked me a couple of years ago, scientific proof trumps spiritual interpretations. I have now come to the point that I am convinced that everything is connected on a spiritual and a scientific level. It’s not mutually exclusive at all.
Simply by acknowledging that, a sense of calm and acceptance came over me. Because things come and go, the intensity of emotions ebb and flow. Consistently. And that's ever reassuring, especially in times of uncertainty, chaos, or change.
What this moon brought up for me personally, though, was that I questioned everything about my life for a couple of weeks. I became quite existential, and I went over all the decisions I have made over the past couple of months and how I would like to proceed in the future in a very chaotic way. These thoughts kept repeating themselves over and over again to the point where I was drifting away from myself more and more. When I’m drifting away from myself like that, even more space for chaos to manifest in my mind is likely to be created.
And chaos was created in my mind. Oh, boy, it did.
I talked to friends, family, co-workers at length but I knew deep down that, even though I love to vent, the only one knowing what I really need is me.
A little anecdotal side note: just like humans, all other creatures respond to the moon too. During the women’s full moon circle at the beach, we decided to swim right after the moon had risen and it wasn't just us girls having fun and playing around. A group of whales was doing the exact same thing a bit further in the ocean splashing their tales and jumping around. They were so energetic. It was a beautiful thing to witness.
Colours of the wind
The colour orange started popping up in my life too.
It started when I was riding my bike to work about 3 days before the moon was at its fullest. I don’t know about you guys, but I think orange cars are quite rare, and I saw three, THREE, passing by within 1 minute. Once that happened, I realised I was wearing a faded orange blouse and that the roadworks I was passing had a LOT of orange cones, tape, gates, signs, all of that. And the funny thing is, this started happening exactly one day after I rode my bike in exact the same spot wondering how it would work if I would ask the universe for a sign to help me get my sense for direction in life back. To start hearing my intuition whisper again.
I guess this was the answer. The colour orange.
Or at least this was part of the answer.
I didn’t really think much of it at first but when I met up with one of my beautiful friends the next day, I brought it up and as soon as I did, I saw orange everywhere again. The rooftops of houses, the signs on the streets, the cones, everything. My friend said: it might have to do with your chakra colours. She had a reading from a spiritual guide once and was told that her orange chakra colour, the Sacral Chakra, was blocked. The Sacral Chakra is the chakra that represents sexual and sensual organs and energy.
So, I guess I just had to get laid.
(Apologies, parents).
But I didn’t think that was the answer to all my question at all...
When I talked to another friend from back home on the phone the next day, he mentioned it’s not just sexual energy that could be affected or activated when the colour orange keeps appearing in your life. The Sacral Chakra also stands for emotions in general and helps to spark creative energy.
The colour orange also stands for optimism, joy, rejuvenating, uplifting your spirits.
Well, that sounds much better than being sexually frustrated, doesn't it?
Of course, I was still questioning my whole existence and decision making process after switching up my life so suddenly not long after I decided I wanted to stay in Adelaide for a while to reroot.
But I also was happy I made this decision because it felt like I was on the right track. Which, in my opinion, is quite optimistic and uplifting.
So, what does all of this mean?
While I talking to another friend, explaining all the above to her, she pointed out I really didn’t have to always rationalise my emotions and overanalyse why they came up, to validate them being there, because life is random, and we are allowed to feel whatever we need to feel despite the seemingly logical reason behind it.
I told her I know, and I appreciated her saying that. It’s something I need to hear sometimes. Just to put me and all my abstract theories back on earth again.
I also told her that I can’t help it, though. I’m a storyteller, so it always works out so beautifully if I can round up a story in such way that it makes sense. That there’s a beginning and an end.
Sort of.
There’s a beginning and an end and at the same time I’m just hanging in the middle part of this story called life.
I like being in that middle part too. In that grey area.
Because everything can feel completely different again tomorrow.
But the reason I need to analyse these things from time to time, especially when they come up in such a strong way, is that I need to feel whether I need to tap in and focus on some inner work or make an external change. Because, for an external change, a lot of things might change again too. Like moving to a different place, taking on another job, all of that. And once that is set in motion again, it’s pretty much unavoidable to go down the same rabbit hole again.
It's a vicious cycle.
The answer, at least my version of the answer to all my (and perhaps your) questions, is to be patient and kind to myself and my thoughts. To take external factors that might be affecting my feelings in consideration, but don’t accept them as the whole truth. To be honest with myself and take time to go deeper within, especially when I feel that urge bubbling inside of me to make impulsive decisions, lash out, or quit whatever I’ve worked so hard for just because I need something to happen.
It will pass.
Everything will pass.
The tides will flow on, the moon will keep appearing and disappearing, your thoughts will come and go.
But me (and you), the centre of everything in the middle of all of that, knows myself best and knows deep down my thoughts aren’t my identity and emotions are better to express than to bottle up. They’ll catch up with me eventually. Always have and always will.
So, I want to thank you, beautiful moon, and I want to thank myself ad my friends and family for bearing with me through all the times and thoughts and emotions.
It seems like we all make great team. 💛
Xoxo,
Domi
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